Ohhey Guys;;

My mood has officially hit rock bottom.
Woohoo.

I hate feeling like this, too.
I get so tired and completely uninterested.
Like, I'm not even singing the Calabria song.
And I can never listen to it without starting to sing it.
This is so weird!

Stupid bipolar kids.
He's too good at ignoring me.
Avoiding going online.
Walking away from me in the halls.
Just all-out avoiding me.
What am I supposed to think?

A few days ago, we were the same person, according to him.

But whatever.
I'll gang up on him with Mr.B tomorrow.
:]

lult;;
++ Chels!`

More Romantically Depressing Poems;;

Though, this was sort of a sequence thing I was working on.
It's not too bad.
---
And you said one thing
before you walked out the door
that will haunt me
for the rest of my life.

I think you knew that it would,
too,
which makes it even worse.
But you turned,
door handle in your grasp,
and said aloud those few words.

"And to think that I loved you."

And left me before I could
say another word.
---
I lie here,
staring at the ceiling,
thinking of all the times
I opted not to say anything.
And say nothing at all.

Because I was afraid.
Afraid of rejection.
Afraid of losing you.
And, lastly,

Afraid of being alone.
---
So why am I here?
Rejected,
without you,
and alone?

Because my fear
kept me from telling you
the only thing I had.
The truth.

Kept me from telling you
that I did love you.
But never had the courage
to find the words to say it.

And now both of us
are regretting everything.
---
But someone came in.
And saved me
before I even had the chance
to start my pity parade.

Someone I wish I could’ve
been closer with.
Because now I feel almost guilty
that they came and saved me,
when I never saved them.

They offered me a hand.
An escape for a moment.
We enjoyed talking for a time,
before I had to go.

Reality was calling.

“You can’t stay happy forever,”
it reminded me.

lult;; ++ Chels!`

Believe It Or Not;;

I'm not the only person in Colonie that speaks fluent internet.
And happens to listen to Visual Kei.
I finally met someone else that I can relate with, even in the slightest bit.

It's about time.

But I didn't really have anything else to say, today.
Wow, right?
Aside from maybe that I'm slowly getting used to but tired of being friends with bipolar people.
One day I'm your friend, the next day we're "the same people", and then the next you claim that we're nothing.
Tell me, hun, what are we?
Honestly.
No more beating around the bush.
I want to know what I am to you.
I already know damn well what you are to me.
I fear we're not on the same page anymore, and that bothers me.

I'll give you a little bit of time to get over your bad mood.

lult;;
++ Chels!`

I'm At Dad's This Weekend;;

And so far, things haven't driven me insane.
Which is a surprise, because usually I'm bored out of my mind.
But today, I slept.
And ate.
And listened to music.

Wow, sounds like a normal day, doesn't it?
Hahahaha.
The only difference is that I didn't hang out with anyone.
And I really wanted to, too.
Dommage.
I let Dad and Steph know that I wanted to do photography.
And, for the first time, wasn't shot down.
Surprise, surprise.
But, I'm alright, because if I was shot down, my goal would never be completed.
And I need any motivation I can get.

Dad's on chantix.
I'm a little afraid, because this stuff seriously messes with your head.
It causes hallucinations and weird dreams and all sorts of suicidal behaviors and shit.
But, if it helps him quit smoking, I can't really complain.
I just have to make sure Steph keeps an eye on him.
So we'll see.

lult;;

++ Chels!`

Well, Today Was Just As Boring As Expected;;

Nothing really happened.
No one came over, I didn't go to the movies.
I didn't even go to Dunkin Donuts.
What a waste of a day off.

However, I did start to get into the knack of photo editing.
As seen below.
Maybe today wasn't as much of a waste as I like to think it was.

But I can't say the same for the rest of the weekend.
I'm heading to Scaghticoke with Dad.
In the middle of nowhere, where we're surrounded by corn.
Funfunfunn.
I so badly wanted to get out of it and hang out with Adam.
But, I guess I don't get to have a life anymore.
Thanks, Dad.

But anyway, it's past 1o:3opm, and I didn't sleep well last night.
I'm pretty damn tired.
And I have to get up at around 8am tomorrow.
So I better head off.

Goodnight, world.

lult;;
++ Chels!`

I Found Photographs I Took On My Camera;;

And, with a little bit of help from Windows Photo Gallery, I'm extremely happy with the finished product.
So, I'm posting a few of them, so you guys can see what I would possibly enter into that One World contest.
Enjoy!














note;; if you click on them, it shows you the full sized picture.

lult;;
++ Chels!`

Studio414 One World Contest;;

www.studio414contest.com

I'm thinking about entering the next One World contest Studio414 holds.
The One World contest is an aspiring photographers contest in which people from all over the world capture photos of the beauty and emotion of everyday life.
There's an $8.oo entry fee per photo, but the winners are rewarded nicely.
First place gets either $2,ooo or a fairly nice Canon EOS 5d Mark II, which costs about $2,7oo.
Second place receives $3oo.
And lastly, third place gets $1oo.

I do have an interest in photography and film.
It's something I've wanted to do since I've had my own camera.
Which I bought with my own savings in 6th grade.
It was a terrible camera, yes, but it was mine.
It took photos and videos.
It also got me in a lot of trouble, as Southgate kids would know.

And now I have a digital Polaroid that I use occasionally.
Unfortunately, the battery dies fairly often, and I don't have the money to buy several hundred batteries at once.
But oh, what I could do with that Canon EOS...

And with the help of photography classes, which I planned on taking, I might just have one by time I graduate.
I'm setting a goal for myself, here.
One of the first goals I've set in a long time.
I'm going to enter these contests.
Each round between now and graduation from Shaker, starting with the next round.
I'll probably go through several hundred dollars, paying the $8.oo fee for each photo, but I don't mind.
My dreams are worth much more than flimsy paper money.

And with that being said, I'm going to continue watching Private Practice.

lult;;
++ Chels!`

I Can’t Believe I Put Up With Your Shit;;

Honestly.
All of your secrets and stupid drama.
Why do I even bother?
All the time, it's "nothing, nothing, don't worry about it."
When quite obviously, it's something.
Let me tell you a little something about yourself.
You can't keep secrets for your life.
If it was anything that didn't concern me, you would tell me.
Because that's who you are.
Why do you think I don't tell you secrets?
Because it's certainly not just because I don't want you to know them.
But because I don't want all of your fucktarded friends knowing them, too.

But, I've had my own issues.
Creeper came to school, today.
His first day at Shaker.
How nice, right?
Terrible, actually.
It was sort of amusing to have fun gossip to run around with.
I so wish I had the courage to do something to give him a hint.
But, I didn't feel like being super-rejected in front of the cafeteria.
So I stayed in my seat and snickered like everyone else.

Dallas... hahahaha.
Why couldn't his parents be decent and do him a favor by naming him Austin?
That's a city in Texas, too, you know.

lult;;
++ Chels!`

Chimera;;

Kitkit made me want to post my shitty poem.
So, here goes nothing.

Chimera...
I saw us together, last night
We held hands and walked into the sunset
But soon after I awoke, aching
I need you, we both see it.

Time and distance...
We pretend that they don't affect us
But tonight, you're with her
And I'm home alone
Thinking of you.

Change...
I took it all in for you
I'm not the person I used to be
But I disregard everyone's concerns
Because you're worth it.

Chimera...
Everything I do is for you
I even saw us together, last night
We held hands and walked into the sunset
Too bad I was dreaming.
~Chelsi Riley

Kay, thanks.
You can stop laughing at me, now.

lult;;
++ Chels!`

So, I’m Pretty Good At Being Miserable;;

Considering I can sit and hate myself for being a coward.
I mean, really.
I deserve it.
I can crush on people all I want.
Admire them to the end of the world and beyond.
And I can tell how bad it is by the stage I'm at.
Copying music is one of the first stages.
But it carries on throughout.
I'll probably listen to his music for the rest of my life.
Because I genuinely fall in love with it.
I change myself for these boys.
And I know damn well how stupid that is, but I do it anyway.
Over and over again.
And then I start to find little things about him.
Little things that drive me insane.
Like the way his hair sticks up in 7ooo directions and frizzes.
And how I would kill to fix it.
And how we match all the time, and I pretend that it bothers me.
And then I start to realize.
How we're practically the same people.
Which totally ruins the idea of opposites attracting, doesn't it?
And I start to lose people that are close to me.
Because I've gone too far, now.
But there's no stopping this.
It's a vicious cycle, and it's only begun.

But, anyway, my point?
I'm such a coward.
Do you know what I would give to be able to walk up to someone and say,
"Hey, would you go to the movies with me?"
Let me give you a little taste.
The fucking world.
But I can't do that.
Because I don't have the courage to even try it.

And thus, I hate myself for being pathetic.

Terribly Pathetic;;
++ Chels!`

Writer Test;;

So, Writer likes to double-space things, unless I write my posts under the source option.
Which means I need to learn HTML.
And soon.

We'll have to see how much I remember.

I knew I should've taken that coding class or whatever.
Or was it one of the Junior/Senior classes?
I don't even remember.

lult;;
++ Chels!`

Ohwow, It's Been A While;;

I haven't been on blogspot since... mid-winter break.
Which was last month.
At like, Valentine's day.
Hahaha, wowww.

But I got a new laptop while I was gone.
And Vista has Writer on it, which allows me to write Blogspot posts from my desktop.
Instead of having to log in and use the little bitchy self-saving thing.
;D I like it.

Brittni called my cell phone today.
So during English, my leg went numb from the naggy vibrating.
And she CALLED, not texted.
So even if I hadn't been in the middle of a class discussion/lecture, if I dared open my phone, everyone would've heard laughing and screaming.
I would've been busted, anyway.

The little bitch.

Totally Amused;;
++ Chels!`